> which tells me that the sensors are sort of working, but just don't want to track the controllers or the headset
During sensor-test the sensors are shown up as being ok? Maybe the root cause is somewhere else?
Yeah, definitely check that the glossy side is facing you. And you can try a different USB port (USB 2.0 tends to work more reliably). See here for some other guidelines. https://support.oculus.com/1814957818761397/