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The Joke Thread

RuneSR2
Level 16
I'll be happy to start  o:)

After 20 years of marriage, a wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
She figures there's no harm in it if she's there with him, after all.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a glass of red wine.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink that?"
"She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real witch tonight, Dave."

i7 7700K (4.5GHz); MSI GTX 1080 8GB Gaming X (oc 2100MHz gpu boost, 11GHz mem speed); 16GB 3200MHz; MSI Z270I (VR-Ready) mainboard; Samsung 961 NVMe 128GB (OS) + Samsung 860 4TB SSD (games) + Toshiba P300 HDD 3TB (games); Win10; Valve Index and Oculus Rift CV1 using super sampling 2.0.      "Ask not what VR can do for you – ask what you can do for VR"

146 REPLIES 146

synchromesh62
Level 8
Went for an eye test today and was pleasantly surprised when he told me to put on an Oculus Quest and than asked me to tell him what i could see.. I responded with ..
" Looks like London, empty streets and closed shops and pubs "
He then removed the Headset and said  " Thats good then. You have 2020 vision " 

Digikid1
Level 12


Went for an eye test today and was pleasantly surprised when he told me to put on an Oculus Quest and than asked me to tell him what i could see.. I responded with ..
" Looks like London, empty streets and closed shops and pubs "
He then removed the Headset and said  " Thats good then. You have 2020 vision " 



MAJOR *GROAN*

Yet funny as hell.  LOL!!!!!!!!

RuneSR2
Level 16
What a difference a year makes!

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i7 7700K (4.5GHz); MSI GTX 1080 8GB Gaming X (oc 2100MHz gpu boost, 11GHz mem speed); 16GB 3200MHz; MSI Z270I (VR-Ready) mainboard; Samsung 961 NVMe 128GB (OS) + Samsung 860 4TB SSD (games) + Toshiba P300 HDD 3TB (games); Win10; Valve Index and Oculus Rift CV1 using super sampling 2.0.      "Ask not what VR can do for you – ask what you can do for VR"

RedRizla
Level 16

MrDragonBoi
Level 3

RuneSR2 said:

Just got these...

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3rd one hilarious tbh :kek:

TomCgcmfc
Level 16

Montana Brothel 

The madam opened the brothel door in Butte and saw a rather dignified, a well-dressed , good-looking man in his late fifties. 

May I help you sir?"  she asked. 

The man replied,  "I want to see Valerie." 

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.  Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam. 

He replied, "No, I must see Valerie." 

Just then, a gorgeous Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. 

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. "There are no discounts. The price is still $5,000." Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. 

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. 

After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row". Where are you from?" 

The man replied, "Great Falls." 

"Really," she said. "I have family in Great Falls." 

"I know." the man said.  "Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance." 

The moral of this story is that three things in life are certain:

1.  Death

2.  Taxes; and

3.  Being screwed by a lawyer

9 9900k, rtx3090, 32 Gb ram, 1tb ssd, 4tb hdd. xi hero wifi mb, Corsair 750w, Quest 1 w/Link and wireless w/VD, Vive Pro.

RuneSR2
Level 16
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i7 7700K (4.5GHz); MSI GTX 1080 8GB Gaming X (oc 2100MHz gpu boost, 11GHz mem speed); 16GB 3200MHz; MSI Z270I (VR-Ready) mainboard; Samsung 961 NVMe 128GB (OS) + Samsung 860 4TB SSD (games) + Toshiba P300 HDD 3TB (games); Win10; Valve Index and Oculus Rift CV1 using super sampling 2.0.      "Ask not what VR can do for you – ask what you can do for VR"

RuneSR2
Level 16
An attractive young woman on a flight from  Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'   
  
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
      
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate  it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'
      
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.' 
     
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'   
   
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
      
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
      
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
      
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
     
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father Next please!’

i7 7700K (4.5GHz); MSI GTX 1080 8GB Gaming X (oc 2100MHz gpu boost, 11GHz mem speed); 16GB 3200MHz; MSI Z270I (VR-Ready) mainboard; Samsung 961 NVMe 128GB (OS) + Samsung 860 4TB SSD (games) + Toshiba P300 HDD 3TB (games); Win10; Valve Index and Oculus Rift CV1 using super sampling 2.0.      "Ask not what VR can do for you – ask what you can do for VR"

LOL. So funny here 😄

Digikid1
Level 12

Bumping this up so others can enjoy it.