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The Joke Thread

RuneSR2
Level 16
I'll be happy to start  o:)

After 20 years of marriage, a wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
She figures there's no harm in it if she's there with him, after all.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a glass of red wine.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink that?"
"She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real witch tonight, Dave."

Valve Index & Oculus Rift CV1, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 8TB
"Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"

146 REPLIES 146

RuneSR2
Level 16

A cannibal turns to his son and says, "son, you’re 12 years old it’s time you learned the family business so tomorrow I’m taking you to the next village for lunch"

 

They go to next village and hide behind a tree. A grossly overweight woman walks by and the son says to the dad, “can we eat her?” The dad says, “no son, she’s too fat, if we ate her we’d both get heart attacks and die before we're 40.”

 

The following day they go back and hide behind the same tree and an extremely thin woman walks by. “Daddy, daddy, can we eat her, she’s not too fat?” The dad replies, “son, she’s so thin there isn’t enough for us both to have a good snack.” The son is a good boy and eager to learn so he says “ok, dad, thanks”

 

The third day they go behind the tree and a gorgeous woman, super model type, walks by. The son says, “ daddy, daddy can we eat her? She’s not too fat, she’s not too thin.”
The dad looks at the boy and says, “no son, we’re going to take her back to our village and eat your mother.”

Valve Index & Oculus Rift CV1, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 8TB
"Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"

RuneSR2
Level 16

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Valve Index & Oculus Rift CV1, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 8TB
"Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"

Digikid1
Level 12

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

RuneSR2
Level 16

image0.jpeg

Valve Index & Oculus Rift CV1, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 8TB
"Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"

Outlook-1yv3is2j.png

Valve Index & Oculus Rift CV1, Asus Strix OC RTX™ 3090, i9-10900K (5.3Ghz), 32GB 3200MHz, 8TB
"Ask not what VR can do for you, but what you can do for VR"

snowdog
Level 16

I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all.
I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed,
I had a roof over my head,
I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical benefits
coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no...
"I was unexpectedly paroled".

 

😂

"This you have to understand. There's only one way to hurt a man who's lost everything. Give him back something broken."

Thomas Covenant, Unbeliever

snowdog
Level 16

Heard a Doctor on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now.Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.An two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!!!

"This you have to understand. There's only one way to hurt a man who's lost everything. Give him back something broken."

Thomas Covenant, Unbeliever